Teenage marriage seems like a great way to break free from your parents and live independently with the one you love. But is it really?

The Belief of Eternal Romance

The love and attraction between you and your newfound love are strong. You’re impressed with his/her qualities and vice-versa. It’s just like a match made in heaven. You would do anything to delight them because you know they’ll make you feel really good about yourself. And considering their kind nature, you feel you can’t go wrong. The two of you will carry on through life always making each other happy all the time.

So, after continuously dating, you decide you want to marry him/her. You’re proud of your seemingly undying relationship and so are your friends. Many of your peers have plans to marry so why don’t you? It’s the perfect opportunity to break free from your parents and gain a new sense of independence. And once the two of you move in together, everything will be hunky-dory, right?

Wrong!

There is a 1960s song by the Beach Boys titled, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.” It’s about high school sweethearts who were so much in love that they fantasized about getting married and moving in together. Brian Wilson, a band member, shares his feelings in this song expressing his feelings of wishful thinking. However, the song’s ending reflects his disappointment because he knew then that marrying her would be immoral and forbidden.

Can Teenage Marriage Improve Your Self-Image?

The Media Can Influence Teenage Marriage

So you’re gun-ho about getting married? You see hundreds of TV shows about beautiful, young couples throwing elaborate weddings, making marriage seem so glamorous. Music videos feature young couples getting married and running off to their happy destinations. You watch movies of couples getting married in Las Vegas and all other places around the world. You are bombarded with online posts of young celebrities who dress in skimpy clothing and numerous advertisements made especially for couples wanting to make romantic getaways.

The Fantasy of Freedom & Independence

Taking in all you can from the media, you just might be convinced that marriage is the only way to go. And you certainly don’t want to remain single too long. You’ll be lonely and people will wonder what’s wrong with you. Why aren’t you married like everyone else?

While the vast majority of us teens know people whose marriages have gone wrong, many still may believe they can tie the knot and live the utopian dream. To them, marriage is like a move that will enable them to break free from living under their parent’s roof to start a newfound life of independence and freedom. To others, the thought of being married so young can make them feel like they’re way ahead of the game.

Now imagine that you wed your sweetheart and now have your own apartment. Things will seem just great at first. You’ll be thrilled living with your new love and between the two of you, making your own decisions. You can now buy your own food, go any place you choose, spend your money any way you please, and stay up all night if you wish. You’ll feel proud having that marriage license as now, you entered adulthood a few years early. Enjoy the sweet new life as long as you can, because it may not last.

Are You Sure You’re Ready for This?

For any teen couple who is contemplating marriage, are you sure you’re ready for this? What will your mom and dad say? Chances are, they’ll raise a big argument, especially if they don’t dig the person you want to wed. Although you foresee no problem with this, they do. You may get the impression that they’re trying to sabotage you, but they’re trying to prevent you from tying the knot too soon and with the wrong person. Just stop and listen to what they have to say. Sure enough, they’ve seen many marriages fail, especially for those who’ve never lived on their own.

On the other hand, you may have the means to make it happen. If having a church wedding is not important, you both can tie the knot before a judge and throw a small party afterward. Maybe your folks don’t seem to have an opinion one way or the other. If you come from a broken home or impoverished household, you might be able to leave home before you’re 20 years of age and face no resistance whatsoever.

Divorce? Oh No…Not Us!

With the divorce rate being so high these days, you must know people who ended their marriages so soon. But for some of you, as you’ve never been married before, may not think it’ll ever happen to you. Especially being so in love right now, it’s hard to fathom your love dying. Between the two of you, you know there’ll be problems but nothing will ever be too intense to work out. As long as you can do things to keep your lover satisfied, you both should be happy together for the rest of your lives.

Myth: Marriage Will Make My Man Settle Down

Yet, others see marriage in a different light. Some see it as an opportunity to change their partner into a better person. For example, women may marry alcoholic men thinking they can straighten these drunks out. They assume they can change the conscience of their partner by locking them into a romantic life of commitment. Once two find they are really in love, some assume everything will naturally fall into place. If you think you can change a person by marrying them, think again!

You may say, “I’m a good man, she’s a good woman. And as long as we work things out together and nothing should go wrong.” I used to think like that in my teens. I never really understood why couples file for divorce. To me, it’s like they just don’t even want to try to make their romance work. It’s like these spouses are spoiled brats who want everything their way and refuse to budge for the other.

Just Wait Until We Have Our First Baby

And just think about how great life will be when you have your first baby. Oh, how great life will be when the both of you can cuddle the little one in your arms and rock it to sleep. You’ll be proud to show everyone you know your first infant and make even more friends with young parents like yourself. And once you become a family, there’s no turning back from there. This is an even bigger incentive to stay together no matter what.

Teenage marriage is likely to lead to another thing: teenage pregnancy. Please view my blog: Teach Your Kids About Teenage Pregnancy Now!

And the Winds Change Direction

OK, you married your high school sweetheart just like you planned to. You moved in together and everything, or most everything seemed to go fine. That was until the lust and the thrill of your newfound independence faded.

Discovering Both of Your Differences

Suddenly, you find that the person you thought you knew so well turns out to be a whole different character. It even happens with friends. Your feelings of lust have wear away and so have theirs. So you thought she was so much like you, huh? You both just discover each other’s quirks and living habits and find some hard to tolerate. Money becomes an issue as it seems the both of you are always broke.

Next thing you know, arguments and fights ensue. She wants to do things you have no interest in and vice-versa. She doesn’t like all your forms of entertainment and you don’t like all of hers. You each observe the other’s spending habits and all hell breaks loose when the money’s all gone. Additionally, you both may find you don’t like spending time with your in-laws or partner’s friends and vice-versa.. The love and respect you both shared become anger and sarcasm. Each of you will make the other feel inferior as if they’re stupid and weren’t brought up right.

Beyond the differences and conflicts, each of you continues growing inside. Life brings on many changes it seems like the both of you are growing apart. The passion that you thought would last forever has faded or is totally gone. You discover things about yourself you never knew while she is doing the same. Then what happens when you both realize you’ve been drifting apart? Meanwhile, you both meet new people and make new friends. As sad as it sounds, each one of you are likely to find another you’d rather spend your time with.

Male Regrets

And mainly from the male’s perspective, he realizes he no longer has his freedom. It’s likely he loves to party and stay out late and hang out with the boys. However, she can only tolerate so much of spending her evenings home alone. He knows if he comes home late, she will become upset and he’ll have to endure the nagging. Now he hates life because he feels so restricted by his woman and will wonder why he even got married in the first place.

He’ll say things like, “I wish I listened to my parents.”

“Life sucks when you can’t do anything without upsetting your wife.”

“”I gotta get home or I’ll be in trouble with the wife.”

“I wish my wife wouldn’t shop so much. Why does she need all those clothes and accessories?”

Unhappy Spouses Seek an Escape

Once the two lovebirds have become tired of one-another’s ways then what happens. Each seeks their own time apart from the other. Then suspicion may develop.

Now one or both are spending an increasing amount of time online chatting with new people. Each becomes curious and wary of who the other is interacting with, but it’s likely each is keeping their activities a secret from the other. One or both develop restless eyes and though each knows they best keep to themselves, they can’t resist the temptation of meeting someone of the opposite sex. Next, each accuses the other of being unfaithful and cheating on them. As you know, this is the surest way to break apart a marriage. As blunt as this may be, I feel that cheating is only human and really not as destructive as it seems.

This is why marrying in your teens is not advisable, especially when you’re young. It’s better to live with your partner and get to know them before you even pop the question: will you marry me? Some parents may think of that as “living in sin.” Still, you never really get to know someone until you’ve actually lived with them. I found that to be true with friends and relatives. Dating on a long-term basis can help you really get to know each other better before making that big decision.

To Split or Not to Split

Will the both of you remain together or file for divorce?

That’s a personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer. It all depends on how much you love each other.

Some who married in their teens stayed together since. Many of the elderly may tell you that they found the love of their life at an early age. Hence, both partners were more likely mature, strong, and stable characters from the start and enjoyed living together throughout their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky.

However, very few go through life loving only one person. As we each grow, we change and sometimes lose our desire to hang around people we associate with our past. Quite often, individuals have relationships with three or more people before they find the one they really want to settle down with for life.

On the other hand, this couple may do whatever it takes to stay together. After knowing each other for so long, despite all their differences, they may feel they can’t live their lives apart. Deep inside, they still have a bond that they don’t want to destroy. They know there is no such thing as the perfect couple and love troubles are just reality. While problems can be resolved, the absence of one another can cause a big void in their lives.

Conclusion

Don’t be in such a rush to get married right away.

Nowadays, people are waiting until they’re older and more mature before deciding to tie the knot. Teenage marriage is often a big mistake.

Though you feel great lust and compassion toward your sweetheart, you both need to really get to know each other well. It’s best to continue dating for a year or so before deciding to marry.

Listen to what your parents have to say. They’re not trying to sabotage your relationship, Most likely, they have seen so many marriages go wrong and don’t want to see you make the same mistakes others made. They know marrying in your teens can be a big mistake.

And don’t let the media influence you. Everything you see or hear about love and marriage on TV, in advertisements, in online publications, in music, and in other forms of communication isn’t as real as it seems.

Say you have a teenage son or daughter who has their heart on getting married soon. What would you tell them? If they become argumentative, how would you handle the situation? ,